the content your favorite instagram model won't provide

So… I got a nose job.

I tried to be cute about it, and think of a fun quirky intro, but I decided to just be straight with you guys. As straight as my brand-new perfectly aligned septum. (There it is)

And while this is all rather exciting to me, I realize we live in a culture that loves drama and rumor and scandal.

If Utah Valley had a gossip magazine, this would surely be front page news. The paparazzi would be camped outside of my house, begging for a shot of my swollen face taking the garbage out.

But, it’s 2018. So instead, I’ll just give my haters some time to send a text to their “we hate indy blue” group message about the big announcement.

Good? Finished? Ah, you guys keep me young.

There are several reasons why I am talking about this publicly, and we’ll get to all of those reasons. But the main one, is just that I don’t think it’s anything to be embarrassed about! Plastic surgery has such a bad reputation. But I think we should own it, in the same way that we do when we show up to school, licking our teeth and flashing our pearly whites in the direction of our hot student teacher after getting our braces off in 8th grade.

So let’s talk about her then. My nose. The star of the show.

I had always been a confident kid. Maybe a little too confident, actually, which is why I think Mother Nature decided to send a softball flying through the air at full speed, hitting me directly on the bridge of my nose at age 14. To take me down a couple notches. To bring me back down to earth. - literally.

In High School, I was a cheerleader, and this really needs no further explanation. I can confidently say I had a solid 3 more nose breaks during those years. In other words, I’ll be sending an invoice to all of my flyers that I based throughout high school. Y’ALL ARE SIGNING THIS CHECK NOT ME!!!!!

We’ve been through a lot, my nose & I. But It wasn’t until the end of my senior year that I actually noticed how much it had actually changed. I mean it took that long to even realize there would be physical consequences to repeatedly getting kicked in the face :’) But once I noticed it, I couldn’t unsee it.

It was crooked. Totally crooked. Completely pushed over to the right side. My profile, was awkward and bumpy and I knew if I wanted any sort of career selling fitness tea on instagram someday, I needed to fix it.

All of the sudden, my nose was my biggest insecurity.

But it wasn’t all that bad. Being ugly means you’re forced to develop a personality and sense of humor. Wooo! Character development!!!!

And if you've followed me on instagram or twitter, you'll know that's exactly what I did. Masked years of childhood trauma with sub-par humor.

But that’s all I really ever thought of nose jobs. A joke. A nose job was a privilege reserved for the likes of the Kardashian-Jenners of the world, not the simple folk like me. I needed at least a three year reality tv show contract or a scandalous publicity stunt to qualify for a face altering surgery… right???

Wrong.

Last summer, I moved in with Kate. Kate the roommate, you guys remember her right?

While all I really knew about nose jobs were what it could do for a girl like Bella Hadid,

Kate knew everything. She knew the in’s and outs. The best and the worst surgeons around. She could spot a nose job from a mile away, and I’m convinced she knows the game so well, she could have performed my own surgery with a steady hand.

And she's the one that informed me that nose jobs weren’t just for celebrities. Anyone could get them. Anyone with a fat stack of cash in their wallet that is, but it was still comforting knowing I wasn’t going to have to become famous off of a sex tape first.

She started naming people I knew that had nose jobs, and the number was just mind blowing.

“Wait… SHE does?!” “And her?!!?”
“AND HIM???!”’

It was both relieving and upsetting to know that so many people I knew had plastic surgery. Relieving, because I felt like I wasn’t crazy. I felt like I wasn’t alone in my insecurity, and there were people that had gone through the same thing as me. It was almost hopeful to know that a girl my age who wasn’t rich and famous, was able to fix her insecurity and be confident in the way she looked.

The upsetting part… was the fact that no one talks about it.

I felt like I had to sign an NDA after Kate exposed all of our acquaintances with secret surgeries! Why was this so private… so confidential?

I tried to get to the bottom of why plastic surgery is so taboo. What makes fixing your nose any different than getting braces so your teeth are straight? Or even working out because you're insecure with your body? Why must so many women out there feel the need to LIE and hide the fact that they went under the knife??

Its like all the hot blogger moms I follow, going to war with their instagram trolls claiming that their perky double d’s after 4 babies are sent from god above. I. just. don’t. get. it. OWN IT GIRLIE!! Show them off in your brand new #revolve swipe-up-for-the-link bikini! But don’t deceive your followers to protect your perfect social image.

And I think that's it. Right there. It's protecting the image.

It’s the celebrities, and the bloggers, the instagram girls who look, from all perspectives, perfect. And they cling to that perception, too.

These people would rather tell you they voted for Donald Trump than admitting to had plastic surgery.

And from that outsiders perspective, it's a lot to handle. It's hard not to compare yourself. But what we don't see on our instagram feeds, is that these people we look up to and follow online have insecurities too. (stars, they're just like us!!!) Only, they have the money & resources to fix those bigger insecurities. Does that make them bad people? Of course not!! I don't think they should be shamed for taking advantage of those opportunities. We all would if we could. But what if we broke down that desperate need to protect our perfect social images??

What if.... What if the Kardashians -- and I say this with all the love in my heart, HI queens!!-- finally admitted that their booties weren't just a result from a couple squats before bed??

What if our idols and influencers started being more open and real about their bodies, and their insecurities-- and even, how they fixed them or became more secure with them?

I think it would change history, to be honest.

Nations?? At peace. Global warming?? Reversed. Tupac?? Out of hiding.

So yes, with all that said, I was nervous of the reaction I would get to getting my nose fixed. I definitely stopped to think of what people would say, I knew they would call me fake, I knew they would call me a bad role model.. I knew it was coming.

But I wasn’t going to let the fear of striking out (haters saying its fake) keep me from playing the game (stunting on my adversaries)

So... I decided to get one.

And I decided not to keep it a secret.

But first, I needed a plan.

Step 1: get that coin
Step 2: find a surgeon
Step 3: consultation
Step 4: PUT. ME. UNDER. DOC.

Let’s just say, once my septum got it’s shit together…it really would be over for you hoes.

By April of this year, I finally had enough money saved for the surgery. (We love a self employed girl boss!!) and the second I was financially secure, I made the call.

Find a surgeon and schedule a consultation: CHECK AND CHECK!

My consultation was scheduled the first week of April, right before I went to Bali. I was really nervous. I had a couple people tell me that they had been turned away at their consultation, and their surgeons told them their noses were fine and they wouldn’t perform surgery on them. This was my biggest fear.

When I told friends and family I wanted a nose job, it was always met with the same response:

“You don’t even need one! Your nose is fine! What are you talking about?”

I knew that my crooked nose wasn’t obvious to everyone. But we all have something like that right? An insecurity that only we see with our eyes? When we admit them to the world, everyone is confused. What you see glaring at you in the mirror every day, is something that your own best friend hasn’t noticed. I was worried my doctor would say the same thing, and turn me away, crushing my dreams of a Blake Lively transformation.

To my delight, my doctor walked in and pointed out every single thing I hated about my nose.

I love a man who gets you nice and vulnerable up front.

It sounds harsh, but I could have cried tears of joy at that consultation. I was finally validated! I wasn’t crazy after all. In fact, YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN LYING TO ME THE WHOLE TIME TELLING ME MY NOSE WAS FINE WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS ARE YOU

The best part though, was after the x rays, he confirmed just how royally fRICKeD up the inside of my nose was. So we scheduled a surgery for May 14th. He was going to fix everything on the inside so I could finally breathe normally, and on the outside too, so I could finally go on the bachelor.

And here we are. May 27th.

I had my surgery two weeks ago and it went great!! Here’s what happened:

It was my first time on anesthesia which I thought was the coolest thing…ever??? Like drifting into unconsciousness for a couple of hours and waking up with a new face? Im down??
The nurses said I woke up crying, thanking every person who walked past, which is really cute if you think about it. It shows you how bad I wanted it haha :')
Recovery on the other hand, was the worst thing ever and I wouldn’t wish that pain and discomfort on anyone. Not even on my worst enemies, Halsey & G-Eazy
I took a short break from social media because I had two full weeks of laying in bed doing nothing, and I knew how bad scrolling on instagram, comparing myself to all of Harry Styles ex Victoria Secret model girlfriends would be for my mental health. So for those of you wondering (grandma, sup girl) that's why i've been absent on the gram.
And finally, I got my cast off! To my surprise, I didn't transform into Cara Delevigne overnight. But I cried real happy tears when I got a glimpse of my side profile for the first time, and that is something i've been insecure about for YEARS. Swelling is slowly going down, and i'm starting to love it so much.

And that’s where I’m at. Slowly but surely emerging as new, more confident woman. I’m still the same girl, in fact I hardly look any different at all. But this wasn't really for anyone else, than myself. (sorry to my future kids who are going to be hella confused when they're born with big crooked noses!!!! mom can't relate!!!)

but anyyyyywaaaay. I chose to share this, because that's what I do. I share my life online, and I’m choosing to show all aspects of it. The highlights, and the less glamorous moments.

Its those less glamorous moments that are hard to share, though. In fact, I am indeed braver than a U.S. Marine for posting that photo to my instagram, completely destroying my aesthetic... but if it were easy, everyone would do it. We’d all post pictures without make up on. We’d all talk about our bad days, our struggles, or what makes us self conscious. The problem is, the second you do that, you open the door to criticism and judgement, and hate. And thats why it’s hard. No one wants to feel judged or criticized especially during a hard time and that's why it's easier to show your good days, and keep the bad ones to yourself.

But as someone with a larger audience, I’m opening myself up to the criticism and the judgement and the hate because it's silly. Who caaaares? I’d rather have you know that I’m not perfect, and that I do have insecurities. I’d rather have you know that self confidence is a personal journey, and you have to do whats right for you. I would rather inspire you to own your truth, and not care what anyone else thinks.

And above all, I want you guys to know that there is magic in being real.

all of that, AND TO SHOW YOU MY BOMB BEFORE AND AFTER PICS AYYYYY!!