it’s never too late to have a happy childhood
One of my favorite books is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
This specific excerpt really stuck with me,
“If we see a child who is two or three, perhaps four years old, we find a free human. Why is this human free? Because this human does whatever he or she wants to do. The human is completely wild. Just like a flower, a tree, or an animal that has not been domesticated — wild! And if we observe humans who are two years old, we find that most of the time these humans have a big smile on their face and they’re having fun. They are exploring the world. They are not afraid to play. They are afraid when they are hurt, when they are hungry, when some of their needs are not met, but they don’t worry about the past, don’t care about the future and only live in the present moment.”
As a former small wild human and now the mother of a small wild human…I have to say, they really have it all figured out.
I envy two types of minds in this world.
A 2 year old’s mind, and the mind of Kanye West.
They are free!
I was free, once upon a time. I remember it well. Elementary School.
My recess gig as a kid was either making up dances for the popular girls, or the classic sport of kissing tag. I was a kindergarten legend.
My weekend gig was rounding up the neighborhood kids for night games. I loved to have fun, but even more, I loved to be the reason other people had fun.
I would host summer camps each year, in my basement. I’m not sure if my mom ever knew. I’m not sure if any of the parents around the block ever knew.
I was a raging feminist even back then, and for that, boys were never allowed at my summer camps. So I’d draw flyers and hand them out to any girls around town who were younger than me (I’d found that anyone above the 4th grade wouldn’t pay $15 bucks to hang out with all of the neighborhood kids in the Severe’s unfinished basement for a week.)
But it was legit. Fully planned out itineraries, motivational thoughts, a talent show (with opening and closing performances by me of course) photo ops, and always finished off with refreshments (teddy grahams and fruit snacks.)
By the third day, we would run out of things to do, so I would take the girls and lead them in a march around the neighborhood.
I called it the “girl parade.”
I’d stand at the front of a single file line, and we’d walk up and down, and all around our neighborhood chanting things like,
“GIRLS RULE! BOYS DROOL! GIRLS ARE SMART! BOYS ARE STUPID!”
Times were simple. I miss it.
Now, I watch my son play, so uninhibited, so untamed, and I am jealous of it. I am jealous of those eyes that are seeing and experiencing the world for the first time. I’m jealous of the curiosity. How his chubby little feet tap, tap, tap around the house, following his tiny mind wherever it wants to go. I’m jealous of how little he cares of what anyone thinks of him. I’m jealous that he isn’t even aware of that concept yet. I’m jealous of his ability to prioritize his needs. How he cries when he’s hungry, or how he violently throws his body when we won’t read him chicka chicka boom boom for the 45th consecutive time. He knows exactly what he wants, and he communicates that in the adorable ways he knows how. I’m jealous of how passionately he loves things. Whether it’s his mini bike, our next door neighbors puppy, or just seeing me walk in the door after work. His entire face lights up. Every day is the best day ever.
When do we lose that?
That playful curiosity, that wonder for the world.
When do we become tamed?
When do we become scared?
I always think about what I would be like at 24 years old, if I had stayed wild and undomesticated all these years.
Who was I supposed to grow up to be?
Who was I before the world got to me?
About a year ago, I started therapy to process all these years of taming. Inner child work brought me back home to myself.
I love how The Holistic Psychologist describes the inner child,
“The inner child is an unconscious part of the mind where we carry our unmet needs, suppressed childhood emotions, our creativity, our intuition, and our ability to play.”
Inner child work can be found in many types of therapy. Trauma therapy, Internal Family Systems, EMDR, sensorimotor psychotherapy, somatic work, etc.
What’s special about inner child work is its intention to speak to our inner child through their language, a language that is emotionally based, rather than expressed through intellectual thoughts and words.
It’s been, fascinating, honestly, to see how my childhood traumas have manifested into adulthood. To pinpoint when I was specifically hurt as a child, and finally understand the reasons I have been stuck for so long.
It’s given me amazing empathy for my younger self. Who always thought she needed to tone herself down to make others comfortable. Who always thought she was responsible for the mood in the household. Who always thought she wasn’t good enough.
I have empathy for the girl who still thought all of those things until very recently.
I’ve spent the last year, reparenting myself, meditating, journaling, PLAYING! and doing things my child self loved to do.
Connecting with that scared, traumatized, version of myself has healed me.
It made me free again.
As free as a kindergartner playing kissing tag.
Last year for our back to school drop, we created a pretend University where there was a seat for everyone at the cool table. Lonely University! Remember her?
This year, our team, who are all on their own respective mental health journeys, decided to take it back. Back to our childhood.
Lonely Elementary!
This collection is inspired by the good old days. Our childhood. Pizza day. Hopscotch. New teachers. New friends. The smell of pencil shavings. Passing notes in class. Making up dances for the popular girls at recess. (That was a universal experience, right?)
And with this wave of nostalgia, we hope to inspire our community to go back to this place in time mentally/emotionally as well. Go within yourself and heal any pain that might still be lingering from the days on the playground. (Seriously! this stuff sticks around!)
When you show yourself compassion for things that were always out of your control, it’s never too late to have a happy childhood.
LONELY GHOST’S 7 WAYS TO CONNECT WITH YOUR INNER CHILD
PLAY OR CREATE SOMETHING
READ 20 MINUTES A DAY
ENJOY NATURE AND GO EXPLORING
BE WITH YOURSELF OFFLINE
REMEMBER YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS MATTER
HONOR YOUR BOUNDARIES, NEEDS AND LIMITS
CONNECT WITH OTHERS
This collection was a big deal for us. Aside from the personal meaning behind this drop, it’s a big deal for our brand and our growth. We leveled up on fabrics, fits, sizing, accessories, and marketing for this collection. We flew out my friend Jackson & Mitch to film a video, and I had all of my cousins be apart of it. It was so fun. It’s starting to feel like the real deal now.
At the end of the shoot, Jackson had an idea for a shot. He had me as a line leader, walking across the frame while the models and all 25 of my little cousins followed behind.
When he sent me the final video, my eyes welled up with tears.
The video is short and simple. One frame, one continuous shot. But guess what it reminded me of?
8 year old me, leading a line of neighborhood kids for the summer camp I created.
I started to laugh. All these years later, and I’m still gathering up the neighborhood kids for my latest events and creations.
I guess my inner child is back for good.
I missed her.
INDY
